Ticket Please!!

On that sultry June afternoon, I was there at the Puraani Delhi railway station to see Daddy off. Just like any conscientious father from the last generation (who has spent a life abiding by the "law"), he took objection at me not buying the platform ticket.
We were already late for his train and I sure didn't want to add more fireworx (literally, it was this hot) to the teriffic afternoon that was. I hurriedly marched towards the platform and failing all railway enquiry updates, the train was right there...@ right time.
I helped Daddy with the luggage, bought him some refreshment and after some emotional exchanges through the train window, I headed back home.
Just then it dawned upon me that I neither possessed a train ticket nor a platform ticket. I was inside the station and to get out...I had to make my way through the station exit....evading the watchful eye of that ticket-checker....who is empowered by the Indian Law to fine me for being ticketless!

Butterflies in my stomach!! I give a damn to office deadlines...I watch horror movies sitting back easy...I bargain unabashed...I play the fearless social activist anywhere, anytime....n here I was....fearing the consequences of having broken the "law"... of having stepped on the railway platform without spending those 2bucks...n it could cost me...anything that sarkaari babu's mood demanded.

I marched cluelessly towards the exit not thinking how to handle the not-so-pleasant situation that dark,clumsy,smelly,pot-bellied checker possibly could create.

I remember it vividly like those slow-motion scenes! My slingbag around me...I propped my spectacles on my nose...saw the checker examining the tickets of the people ahead of me...looking at him in the eye....losing my breath completely in that moment....n in no time I was past that fellow and a "free-bird" again.

I'll end this note with the only thing that crossed my mind at that moment n really hurt me hard:

"I am a well-bred upper middle-class kid- convent educated,read n topped at one of the best degree colleges in this part of the country, employed in the elite, star-league semiconductor industry, specialist engineer, international work experience, earn handsome, spend n dine at the hippest places of the city.....I pay my taxes honestly (infact foolishly...did I tell you that its been 1year and they are not sending across my tax refund), follow "most" of the rules, very happily I let the Mayawatis, the Lalus, the Kalmadis, the Badals of this world eat into my humble pie.....I harmoniously co-exist with the reality that a face that smiles at me every morning from the newspaper frontpage has bloated his kitty with my fortune....n my countrymen's fortune too!(wat was the amount they said...350 crores?? n they also say that he has been hanging around the town nailing some innocent women n the police doesn't fancy any harassment charges against him!...afterall Netaji's heart valve isn't working properly...How can he be in jail??Never mind, he is sleeping away to glory in the luxury ward of the most expensive hospital in the city)... I sleep every night to the fact that the Jessica Lalls and the Priya Mattoos didn't live to see this day and the Manu Sharmas, Santosh Singhs n Vikas Yadavs are partying the night out in some flashy night club.....I see the hefty middlemen n contractors steal that loaf of bread which could have gone down the bowels of the toddler who will sleep hungry on the footpath today......

I "accept" all this reality.....I see all this reality "getting accepted" and still the only thing I fear out of all this that can make me shudder is: I AM ON THE PLATFORM WITHOUT A PLATFORM TICKET!

Suddenly, I feel so worthless as a person,as a citizen. Do I already know what I should be doing in my life??

Signing Off.

Do choices bog you down too??

Ever wondered about a movie dialog that made to shriek out "It's me, it's me!!"

Lights,camera n action...

Scene from: You've Got Mail : Joe Fox to Katheleen Kelly

"The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, etc. So people who don't know what the hell they're doing or who on earth they are, can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: Tall! Decaf! Cappuccino!"

It's much more fun to hear Tom Hanks say that! :)

Starbucks is the place for me too, n I won't shy from that! How many times I have stood in front of those try room mirrors making strange faces...putting effort,to decide one over the other...just how I linger on and on and on to choices so often and try so hard to make a "correct" choice. N after having made that "correct" choice....I indulge in PPN....post purchase nu-sense....figuring out just how the other option would have been a better one!

I everyday get up to a complete array of choices I have to make about my life, my career, my future n because I already hate the pressure of choosing the right things....I really feel like going back to sleep again.

Incredible India....We are living in a place where there is immense pressure to make the "correct" decisions at the right times...decisions that aren't good for that infinitesimally small moment ;) , but for a lifetime.

We start as kids....Games or academics...Literary or Sports... Sciences or humanities...Doctor or Engineer...(doctors pls excuse..the choices might seem biased here-on.feel free to add ur dilemmas too) Electronics or Computers...Job or higher studies...MS or MBA...Marketing or Finance...India or abroad...more granular Noida or Bangalore ;) ....not over though...Friends or Boyfriend/Girlfriend...Flirt or love...Kiss or no kiss....Office or Self....Yoga or Gym....Disc or home....Love or arranged....Yell or smile....idle or focus....brownie/nut cookie/cake or marielite....facebook or orkut....semiconductor or software....run or miss....lie or face the end....spend or suffer....console or giggle....appease or blurt....hate or love....budge or dnt budge....punch or kick....in the nose or in the rear....slap or frown....................

My head is spinning already!! I face it on a day-to-day basis and feel so uneasy when given so many choices...Do I have to decide again?Can someone else not take the pain?

I dn't know if any school on this earth has a compulsory subject on decision-making? And I have a choice again.....who could have taught this the best at my school...Juneja mam,Gandhi mam,Dhawan mam or SashiPrabha mam?

I wish this world learns to relax..to forgive..to forget...I wish there is room for late risers too...may be their booty not as rich as that of early birds,but nice enough to make their life worthy too....I wish there is a turning back from every crossroad that we come across n life..not those u-turns that come 10km down when its too late...not those fast expressways that land you in a new city too quickly...but guided turns that can put you back on track incase u took the wrong road...I wish all the choices in life are equally wonderful...no disparity...just a difference telling one from the other!!!

I wish the world has time to accomodate the "not-decided yet" category that I belong to. I wish confused and lost people are given their own time to figure out the puzzle. I wish those who have chosen a wrong road and want to go the other way still can have hope.....I wish all the decisions in life don't become so "ultimate" that the mere pressure of getting past them makes me tick the wrong option.....

Savings...is not just money...let's earn some time...let's earn some the peace...Let's not tower a burden on our shoulders all the time...Let's glorify some mistakes too....Let's exalt in some stupidity....Let's tick some wrong answers and maaro some "re" 's (aka repeats)

Imagine.....u choose a Brownie over an apple n it doesn't have such "eventual" consequences on u...Amazing na.....:)

So can I have my Tall,Low-Fat Cappucino??

Ciao